How I have regret and remorse, and in those moments, we heal together. I speak to my children about the times I ‘flipped my lid’ when they were all so young. Learning these skills are essential to maintaining healthy attuned connection. I must say, every year our relationships deepen and continue to heal. And the hard work is worth it in the end.Īn after thought in response to this blog post.Īt the time of this post, my oldest was 18 years old. So much grace is required as parents, we are all doing big hard work. This may be just what is needed to calm your system, so you have an anchor and do not flip your lid. Maybe you could start with implementing one step – begin by noticing that you are triggered before reacting. It takes inner motivation to want to do something about our discomforts and challenges. I get it, it is another prescription to add to the to-do list. Perhaps, such a list feels daunting or unmanageable. In consideration of the scenario that had pushed me over the edge, and after spending 30 minutes engaged with the above steps, my whole being softened, regained equilibrium, and offered insight into aspects of myself that were needing attention and care. It tells us that something about the circumstance was extremely challenging and it generated an enormous amount of internal distress, that resulted in the perception and action of ‘losing control’. Raging is a chemical emotional reaction, not a ‘Author-of-my-life’ response. And, it is empowering to do something about the activation. It is okay to be activated by an external circumstance. We can use the challenging stressful situations in our life to provide us with information about where we are challenged and stuck internally. The situation itself may have been inappropriate and yet, how we make sense out of the situation/incident is within our control. (It is important to note that I am not talking about violent, threatening, abusive, or harmful overt behaviours that have threatened you or your family - that is about the current situation or person, and requires immediate support for safety.) However, when talking about ‘flipping our lids’ as a parent, we cannot resolve anything by focusing outside of oneself you must drop inwards. It tends to be interpreted as new age speak. This is often a tough concept to swallow. When you are about to ‘flip your lid’ you may want to try the following: After de-escalating my activated nervous system that was pounding, pulsing, and enraged, I wrote down exactly what I did so I could share it with you (without sharing the personal details of the experience). I knew that I needed to catch it before it got the best of me - this ‘catching’ it is always step one towards befriending the nervous system. The other day I was triggered, really triggered, and I noticed that my system was moving into overreaction, hyperdrive, and flooded with the all too familiar sensations of the engine running hot. I am reminded that it is never too late to start. This act has become second nature for me now, but it had a starting point. And so, I went searching for what was really bothering me. Current parenting challenges inspired a quest to dig. Further, I recognized that how I was responding to present moment situations were informed by my past experiences. That said, I didn’t want to live in a chronic state of ‘flipping my lid’ and I knew that I was responsible for how I reacted to external circumstances.
MUMBLE JUMBLE HOW TO
Slowly, I learned how to bring them in closer, hold them, and sooth them. I spent a lot of time repairing my relationship with my children, reminding them that Mama is human and makes mistakes, and that my behaviour it is not about them it is not their fault. In the end, I often felt like a failure every time I lost my temper and went from 10 to 100 in a blink of an eye. While my children were young I thought that I needed to learn how to embody the state of being experienced by meditation gurus someone who could handle all the stressful circumstances that were happening around me with ease and equilibrium. This is akin to not wanting to go to exercise or move our bodies for health and wellness. Granted, we don’t always want to engage in activities or behaviours that will foster health. When we know that we are empowered to handle our inner crisis, we develop the confidence to adjust in real time not after the fact.
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